Rock Bottom

Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.

Way back in July of 2008 I hit what they call rock bottom. At the time I was living in a large old rented house by Lake Wewoka Oklahoma. It was just me and my 19 pound Orange Tabby Morris. By this time I finally realized that I might have a drinking problem, among other things. I was seeing a really amazing woman that I really did not deserve named Jodie. She used to be in the army and really had it together. I promised her over and over that I would quit drinking and I truly meant it every time however, I found out that I couldn’t control it. I wouldn’t admit it yet but I was a full blown alcoholic. I had lost so many things in life and I was only just then realizing the full scope of my sickness.

The second week of July 2008, Jodie decided she couldn’t handle my drinking anymore. She was watching me literally kill myself slowly and couldn’t deal with it. She said I was “weak willed” but ask yourself this, any addict or alcoholic you might know, do they or do they not go to extremes to get what they want? I would say from experience that it takes alot of willpower to live that lifestyle.

Something  just kind of busted in my head. I snapped. I had lost my job, every friend I had, and my girl. I pulled all of my money out of the bank and bought enough booze to fill my fridge and plenty of different opiates. I locked the door to my house and didn’t plan on ever coming out. I was done with everything.

For the next week I was only awake for 3 or for hours at a time, long enough to get out of my mind wasted. That whole week I had the song “life is Beautiful” by Sixx A.M playing on the stereo on repeat. A whole week straight just one song! I didn’t eat anything except pills and I didn’t drink anything except beer and Rum. Somehow I shaved my head to a mohawk right before a court date I had for public intox. I called my mom and said that if I didn’t get help I would die. She just thought I was being dramatic! I had never known God, and I had no idea how to pray, but almost like it was an instinct, I screamed out at the top of my lungs, “God help me!!! Now! Help!” After that I collapsed and came to the next day laying on the floor.

When my mom did finally come by my house the next day, she broke down and started crying. She saw just how far I had gone, the insanity of it all! She took me to TRC, a medically supervised detox and my life changed forever. I spent years in addiction and had no idea that there really was a way out, through God. God accepted me for who I am, and did his part. Faith without works is dead. So I pass it on. Everyone hits that crossroads in life. For me, it was a life or death crossroads, and God gave me a chance.