I personally do not like to sit around and talk about old war stories. It always gets my gut twisted up and honestly brings on some serious depression. However, in some ways in can be therapeutic. We addicts and alcoholics speak our own language. As it says in the Big Book of A.A…
“But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.” – The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 18
Today I thought I would share a little about this past year. My life completely spiraled out of control and brought me to my knees finally in August. Earlier that year I was seeing a girl that was in recovery too. Our relationship was a total mess! We were not good for eachother and she has her own issues that hopefully she will work on. After one of our breakups I “twisted off” bad! I found myself taking alot of Dilaudid and drinking again of course. Dilaudid is a synthetic opioid, Hydromorphone. Its very strong and when you mix it with benzos or alcohol it can put you out permanently.
One day in particular I was over at a friends house off Riverside. I woke up in the morning with a couple of Klonopin and went straight over to my Dilaudid hookup, who was this sweet lady in her 50’s, sick right? I started with 3 and a friend and I headed straight to the bar at around 3 in the afternoon. All I can remember is the cocktail waitress kept coming over to check on me. I couldn’t keep my eyes open and I was breathing very lightly. To give you an idea, look at me here, I look like I’m dead, because really in a way I was.
That right there is just a little chunk of reality. I remember back in September when I had finally gotten sober, I opened my email one day and saw this picture. It really freaked me out! I couldn’t believe that I ever got that bad! It really hit me hard.
This past year I have been in the hospital twice because of full blown black outs from alcohol.
I urge anyone that is having a problem to please seek help! I’ve known too many people who are casualties to this disease! The only way out is to change everything! Sounds pretty difficult huh? Well, it is, and it isn’t.
For me I was finally so worked over by this disease I was able to surrender and turn it over to God. Thats it! God came into my life and He gave the strength to overcome this!
I remember it used to scare me to think I couldn’t drink or use anymore! I didn’t know how to deal with life without it. I have to tell you with all sincerity that not only am I happier and healthier, but the rewards are incredible! I’m so grateful for what God has done for me and my family! (Yes this disease involves them too) Today I have a chance to work that Step 12. It’s all about helping others! Look at that picture! If you are struggling think about that picture and remember that if God saved a junky like me, trust me, he’ll save you too!